Starting with the easy methods, and working up to making seitan from scratch, I'll outline the diversity of flavor and texture you can get from seitan in your kitchen. Vegetarians should not be resigned to slimy tofu, or rubbery, "fake meat" for their culinary endeavours.

When wheat berries are floured, bran and gluten are often washed off to make white flour. This gluten is highly nutritious and very starchy, making it self-binding. Mixing it straight with water would yield a very dense loaf that's nothing like bread, and a bit like Silly Putty. Cutting it with flours, sugars, and unstarchy powders and liquids, can create a diverse array of savory and decadent proteins for your meal -- experiment!

This uses my vegan version of veal as the base for a very comforting Tuscany comfort-food. It served about 25 (small-medium portions) at a recent event, but could easily be dinner for 12-15.

First, what you'll need for the recipe:

• 1 shank of seitan veal from the seitan recipes I've made here
• 1 oz dried porcini
• 1/2 oz dried chanterelle
• A few glasses Chardonnay (and one for the doctor)
• 1 sweet onion
• 3 tbl Italian parsley, minced
• 2.5 tbl thyme
• 2 Bay leaves (for Americans: Northern Bayberry or California Laurel might grow wild and huge near you -- pick some)
• 1 large red Jalapeno (or any hot red pepper, just the red parts, diced)
• 4 tbl basil, minced
• 2 lbs soaked (or two cans) Cannellini beans
• 3 lbs diced (or two big cans) tomatoes
• 4 or 5 cloves garlic, minced
• 3/4 lb. Orecchiette (or any small, shell pasta)
• olive oil
• sea salt and black pepper to taste
• white flour

At the risk of walking that line between seriousness and bad puns, an underlit bike and an under-lit bike can be the difference between life and death. Almost all bicycle injuries and fatalities involving cars find a driver saying, "I never saw the cyclist." Don't trust your life to some silly little blinky -- get noticed.

Using a handful of LED's, a dead network cable and a few rechargeable AA's, we're going to get noticed: by drivers, by the more attractive other bicyclists, and possibly by the Trunk Boiz.

All while giving a complete beginner's guide to parallel circuit wiring and low power, energy efficient electronics. Yowza!

• 1 part clover or orange blossom honey
• 1/2 part Lychee syrup , or the mash of several lychees (4 if making 3 qts)
• 3.5 parts water
• cloves (~2 if making 3qts)
• tea or raisins (a small handful of raisins or 1/4 cup strong brewed tea if 3qts)

  Boil the water with a slow roll, and add the honey and lychee once it begins boiling. Let it boil at the lowest heat possible for a few minutes before killing the heat.

  Let it cool near a breeze -- the wild yeasts in your air will find their way to it, and you can transfer it and the remaining ingredients to a container that's covered with a towel that's rubberbanded-on, or fitted with an airlock. It will likely do absolutely nothing for almost a week, and you'll think it's a dud, before it froths up all over and is clearly reacting. It's ready to drink after another week or two, but the longer it sits (inside a few months) the better. If nothing happens, add a few pebbles of Champagne yeast.

In Egypt, slaves had Bouza more than 4000 years ago. In Russia, Kvass has been drunk by proletariats under Stalin. Each of these cases is a poor people with neither advanced technology nor access to a knowledge repository like the internet.

So, why does every article on homebrewing seem to imply that making wine is akin to rocket science?

This mostly-impromptu recipe seemed to be a big hit at a recent party here, so I thought I'd post it. I served it with rosemary roasted potatoes and a cashew-crème sauce.

First, the ingredients:

Seitan

I needed something useful to accompany Vegan Oktoberfest (with fennel-seitan sausage and homemade hefeweizen) and typical sauerkraut seemed lame. This recipe gives something a little more interesting, and really, brightly colored.

Yes, it really is that good.

Here are the ingredients:

Very simple, and probably one of the best and most intense things I've tasted. Not that I'm bragging, it's just that...you know...I rule your world.

Ingredients:

It's basically an immediate hit, from self-proclaimed-carnivores to raw-macrobiotic-vegan hippies. I usually break out this Pate when there's a party.